2x24 hours

When they told me that I should letting you go,
I know it's not the end of the world,
But letting you go is:
Not being able to call you "darling" anymore,
Not being able to kiss you goodnight, to keep me safe from nightmares,
Not being able to howl at you when you make mistakes,
Not being able to look at your eyes when I say "I love you"
Not being able to snuggle my head to your neck,
Not being able to miss you every single breath I take,
But what hurts me more, letting you go is:
Not being able to have the same visions as we picture ourselves in the future;
When I should wore my wedding gown,
When we should at the hallway,
hand in hand,
mezmerizing to eachother eyes,
and we would call ourselves : darling and sweetheart for the rest of our lives...

I know we never vowed to be together forever,
I know we never vowed to share our lives together,
But we did vowed to love eachother for the rest of our lives,
And that vow, my love... is the best vow I've ever had to keep...
Loving you, is the best thing that ever happenned to me..
The way you kept your love for all these years, makes me realize,
That there is True Love...
I am lucky to have met you again, after all those years...
Thank you for coming again to my life and make my life even brighter than before.

(I still love you, no matter what)

HaRi SaBtu!!!! *terus kenapa?*

Ok, Hari Jumat kemarin mungkin hari yang menyebalkan seantero sel-sel otak gue. Tapi gue mau bilang apa? Mungkin ini yang terbaik, kan? Toh, kalau gue protes, gue malah akan dibilang dendam karena gak terima keputusan management.

Anyway, ada yang nelpon gue beberapa kali di hp kemarin.. Dan gue menyesal gak ada disamping hp gue saat itu.. *hiks* Dearest, kamu telpon yah? Banyak yang mau gue sampaikan sebetulnya di blog ini.. Tapi ... uhm... mungkin lain kali.. dari tadi gue udah ngetik soalnya.. cuape bow... heuheiha... :))

ciao ah...

Just another Ordinary Day...

"Dan aku akan merasa terdampar,

menelungkup dalam sunyi,

tergetar,

denyutku semua menggelenyar,

perih akan hadirmu,

mengharap semua ada dan
tiada"

Today should be no different compares to everyday's life. But today, I don't know what went wrong. I felt so empty.

It doesn't help by smoking around at my room this morning, ended up late in my office. I should have known something is going on with this heart. Probably it's him.

Talked to him last nite, out of the blue. He told me stories about the past that I never knew again. He again reminds me of how he felt back then and grew stronger when ever he meet me.

I got shocked for a while when I asked him, who am I to you? He just answered by his hands. Put his finger from his hair and put in half, and go down to bottom. I am his halfside.

I wish I can say the same to him.

Few days ago, talked to someone I just knew for 4 hours. We talked until we really got dropped. I barely knew him. But his strength to go on is so strong. I ended up envying him. Giving him my best gratitude for letting me hearing his stories.

"When we decided to walk away behind our own backs, did you realize that perhaps we left foot prints behind?

Or did you not even realize that when you walk through my foot prints, I smiled and wanted to rush back to you?

I never wanted to walk away, but if I do,

I want to make foot prints for you to remember that I was there

embracing your face and your lips

Walk away now,

but sometimes, please do to turn your head and see your foot
prints,

cos when you see them,

you will realize that my foot prints are always

on the same way as yours... "

(never wanted to be away from you)

On The Other side of My Mind....

It's been like, what? .. several months now, since I logged on in this site. My English got a lil bit rusty, akibat gak pernah begaul lagi sama bos bos bule yang geblek geblek gitu.
Gue dah pindah kerja LAGI - tolong dicatet yah.. :) emang ternyata panggilan 'kutu loncat' pas banget... sekarang gue kerja di salah satu perusahaan MLM. Di Jakarta.
Jangan tanya apaan, MLM di Indonesia sekarang lagi ngetrend, ada amway (yang hehe.. sampe sekarang tu ada yang ngajakin gue mulu, padahal gue gak pernah demen yang ginian!), ada Tianshe, ada CNI, ada Sophie Martin, ada IFA... Nah, gue di ATM. Tadinya gue pikir disuruh cari "downline" gitu, ternyata enggak. Fun kok. Rekan-rekan kerja gue asli cuek banget... Gag ada yang sikut sana sikut sini. Tapi tetep ye.. ada beberapa temen-temen deket gue yang bilang, "paling 2 bulan dah keluar" heheeh.. :) gak tau ya..

Kerja, buat gue itu bukan cuma sekedar cari uang. Cari uang sih bisa ngapa ngapain aja selain kerja lah. Ngamen, jadi pengemis, juga dpt duit. Ya gag? Tapi masalahnya, buat gue, kerja itu... merupakan suatu proses. Proses mendewasakan diri. Percaya gak?

Contoh nih, pada saat loe dimarahin sama boss... loe gak cuma bisa maki maki di dalam hati, tapi juga mencerna, kenapa lo dimarahin... (eh, gue jadi inget.. ada yang ngomong ini di telpon waktu malem malem itu... semoga dia baca.. you inspired me, Dear!) Dalam masa itu, lo akan berpikir dewasa... Pas gajian.. *ini pasti ditunggu lah* loe akan belajar manage duit elu, loe akan belajar buat menerima kenyataan, " gila, ternyata susah cari duit! Susah ngatur duit! belum buat bayar ini, belum buat bayar itu" minimal, loe akan belajar untuk bertanggung jawab terhadap diri loe sendiri.

Buat gue, proses menjadi dewasa itu makan waktu lama... Culture keluarga gue beda banget sama kebanyakan culture keluarga orang lain. Karna gue anak terakhir dari 4 bersodara... Dan karna jadi anak paling kecil, tanggung jawab yang gue terima dari dulu juga kecil. Sekarang... setelah gue agak tua... (bukan.. sumpah bukan dewasa!) gue shock melihat berbagai karakter orang yang harus disesuaikan. Dulu gue beranggapan : ngapain gue temenan sama tu orang, kayanya gue gag cocok! Sekarang gue jadi lebih berfikir, " tu orang kok gitu ye? gimana ya caranya ngertiin tu orang, biar gue yang nyambung?"

Jadi, predikat "kutu loncat" itu gak sepenuhnya salah lho... Jangan salahkan gue kalau gue agak agak Bloon soal kerja... :) pun agak agak bloon kalo cari perusahaan... hehehe... Tapi makin kesini, gue makin ngerti apa yang gue mau... Someday, gue akan cerita...

===========================================================================

Nah, sekarang nih, mari cerita yang lain... Beberapa waktu lalu, gue iseng join ke salah satu situs kontak jodoh. Tadinya buat iseng, buat cari temen lain setelah gue putus sama.. ergh... you know who lah.. kalo gak tau ya... coba liat liat di blog gue yang lama.. :)

Setelah beberapa bulan join, asli banyak banget yang ngirim message, Entah cuma ngajak kenalan, belum apa apa udah ngasih no hp minta ditelpon, ada juga yang bilang, kita ketemu dan kamu abang lamar ya... *doh,.. abang??? dengernya aja dah mules gue* Yah, namanya juga internet.. apa lagi situs gituan... jelas pasti, banyak yang ngajak sex. *lu kata gue gila?*

Anyway, sekarang ini... gue lagi terharu biru dengan seseorang... anak situs itu juga... gue pikir, wah, another lame guy... tapi setelah beberapa kali sms-an ada yang "clique" dikit.
His face reminds me of someone.. Kita sekarang jadi deket... gak tau sedeket apa.. kita blum pernah ketemu... tapi ... ya.. i think it's enough to say that we are good friends now.
Gue sekarang ini gag yakin dengan apa yang gue rasakan.

Beberapa waktu lalu, gue ngobrol sama temen lama gue di YM!, dia cerita soal temen kita juga yang sekarang "error". Tiba-tiba baik banget, tiba-tiba judes gak jelas gitu.
Gue jadi inget, ada artikel di Cosmopolitan, ada penyakit seperti itu. BIPOLAR kalo gag salah. Tapi ya gak tau juga.. apa dia bisa dikategorikan berpenyakit mental seperti itu.

Temen gue ini cantiknya amit amit. Gak salah kalau dia jalan, banyak orang yang nyangka dia bule. Tapi .. galak dan jahanam gitu deh. :) hehehe... One way or another, gue envy sama dia. Cantik, pinter, banyak yang doyan sama dia. hehehe.. Tapi sekarang ini, ntah kenapa... she is strange. Mendadak sakit jiwa, gitu kata temen gue.

Tadinya dia gak doyan minum alkohol, sekarang jadi tiap weekend minum, padahal, kalau udah minum, jackpot gag karuan gitu. ABG telat, kata temen gue. Gue sendiri gak gitu deket ama ni anak, yah.. cuma kenal kenal gitu aja. Pernah sih, hang out bareng gitu...
I don't know what's wrong with you friend, but if you read this and you know I was writing about you, please, let me help you... or at least, please tell me what's in your heart...

Proses menjadi dewasa itu lambat, menyiksa dan ... nyakitin kadang. I know, cos I have been there, and still in those area. Pada saat kita menerima tanggung jawab lebih, kita akan merasa sebagai beban... Padahal, you will never know.. itulah proses pendewasaan kita...

uH, perasaan ni blog jadi makin gak karuan.. dah ah....

-- the heart never let you down, what you feel, what you taste, what you say...its all begins and ends with the word "LoVe"...---

A PoInT of ViEw

Last Sunday, my best friend sms'ed me.

She was being paranoid. Her husband wos working out of town for 2 days, and his cellphone went dead. Tried to reach him several times, but didn't work out.

So, when he got home, she threw those - you know - words that you couldn't have imagine to say to your love ones. He, as I expected, was furious and didn't even bother to say anything to my broken hearted friend.

The next day, I told her to knock it off. I told her to talk to her husband. Try to figure out what went wrong with his cellphone. She did took my opinion, and she asked him. Beyond my expectations, he told her that he went off dinner with his boss, and didn't bother to bring the cellphone, either to tell my friend where he is, or what is he doing.

Today, the first thing in the morning, she sms me again. This time, she told me that someone misscalled her cellphone. By curiousity, she asked her husband which came home late that night. Her husband just snapped at her and played Play Station. When she tried to see his cellphone, he snatch it back from her. My best friend cried. And went off to bed. In the morning, she found out that she had her period. After 5 years marriage, she hasn't been pregnant, although she wants it so much. Her husband didn't even bother to check his health to a doctor. My best friend did all she can to make him happy.

"All I want is for him to change. He doesn't have to be romantic, but am I wrong for asking just a little tenderness and caring? It has been years since we dated again. When I got the period today, I just want to die. I hate all this. I hate this marriage...."

I told her, don't ever change anyone you love... Love doesn't have to change anything. If your partner wants to change, then it is because your partner wants to change. Not by the name of love.

"Sometimes I just want him to touch my hair when we watch tv together, or just holding hands when we were at the mall... Am I wrong?"

I told her that it is not wrong. It has never been wrong to expect love and caring and tenderness. But if your partner has never been like that before, why are you expecting him to be like that now? She has known him for years, she ought to know him by now, that he will never be that "Sir Gallahad" she ever wanted him to be.

Then she told me that she got paranoid, afraid that his husband is having a taboo love. Well, I couldn't say anything... Just stood there, reading her sms... and smiles.

Typical women. Always wants to try to change her partners. That is always been the difference, right? Women changes her self to have something in return, while men... Well.. I dunno, do they change themselves to be someone better to impress a girl, or perhaps.. they change themselves because something called love...?

Mencintai Dengan Tabu...

Akan kuberitahu sebuah rahasia.
Sesuatu yang tabu, namun bermakna.
Suatu rasa yang menyiksa, suatu asa namun dengan batasan angkasa.
Rasa ini membuatku sakit tiada terperi, walau selalu ingin aku nikmati.
Dia bagai candu, namun tak pernah habis.
Dia angkasaku, tak kan pernah kugapai.
Kala kita bercumbu, aku dengar tangisan wanita dan bayi.
Demi semua!
Aku coba enyakan suara, tapi tak bisa..
Suatu saat ketika detik berhenti, aku akan terpuruk,
Karna mencinta dengan tabu.
Mengharap angkasa, enyahkan tangisan.
Aku terpuruk, berlumur dosa,
.................karena bercumbu dengan tabu...............
Maka dia dan aku akan abaikan sementara,
Apabila esok kiamat, kami akan abaikan semua....
Dan kami bercinta, di atas bunga dan kerikil...
Manis dan perih bersamaan....

(8 Jan 06)