My Life ---

Thursday, June 28, 2007


You know, when you start to fall in love, you usually blind of your surroundings. And that’s natural, I’ve been there before, and perhaps, you have been there before too. It doesn’t matter what others might think, you just wanted to be with your partner. And that’s also natural.

I, were among those people. Who would think that my partner is so perfect, - oh well, ok, perhaps not too perfect – but at least, he was the only one I can think, dream and talk about. But did you know that perhaps your friends are sick and tired of listening to you how your partner do this and that, while they are trying to say, that perhaps your partner is not THAT perfect? Oh, perhaps you would listen to them. But have you been REALLY listened to your friends? I guess not. You would think that your friends were jealous of you, cos you found someone that they wish they’d had. Don’t be embarrased. Cos I have been there too. Even when your friends told you that your partner doesn’t deserve you, or even you don’t deserve them, you wouldn’t listen to them, would you?

I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends, who really I can trust. Who I can rely on, when I have so many things on my life. Even love life. They stood by me, along these years, to warn me, to listen what I have to say, even sometimes, I don’t listen hard to what they were saying. Such typical of among us, I suppose.

My best friends, told me to get out of a taboo love. And I don’t bother to hear them. All I can think was him, how much he loved me, and so on. But sometimes, when I am alone, - usually at night- I stood still, trying to remember what they have been saying. And I guess they were right. My last partner was a guy who I’ve known for YEARS. Yeah, right, years. He was a friend of my school mate who I accidently met years ago. It was in the year of 1995. I was still in Senior High School at that time. Oh, he was amazing, he played guitar, he sometimes played a song and sing along with me. And I finally found out that he has a crush on me. While I had a steady boyfriend at that time. So when he asked me out, as a natural girl who had a boyfriend and trying to keep her words, I refuse. And that was it. I never heard of him untill it was like in the year of 2005. I just got back from out of city. After my mum passed away, I got carried away, I ‘ran’ from my hometown, trying to be independent and forgot the whole thing. I managed for couple of years, then I met a guy. A fascinating guy, I might say. He brought me rainbows in my life. And that’s what I called him, Rainbow. I fell deeply in care with this guy. No, it’s not love at all, but it was a respect and honorable care. Then you might have guessed it, he found another girl. Then the love dissapear from my life. I got hurt. And of course, so sick and tired of the word ‘love’. My Rainbow, the guy I have been seeing has turn out to be a man who has no responsibility what so ever. But, as much as I respect him, we are still friends, untill now.

Anyway, back from that gloomy years, I found that old friend. He was married and has a daughter. I thought to my self, well, I couldn’t be possibly liked him, wouldn’t I? Ha! I was wrong. When he showerd me the love, I got so carried away. He was then the man that I respect and I didn’t wanted to loose that tenderness and love he showed me. He was there when I needed him, he was there when I just wanted to get out of my horrible life. He was there. So, can you blame me for being in love with him? No, it’s not love at all. It was a need. I grew dependent on him. All I wanted was to have his love much longer, even I know how it could hurt me.

Life has been so mean to me. All those troubles, all those hurts, sometimes I wonder how I can laugh or even smile. I thought I can cope with another hurt. Have you ever heard of this? When a person has been hurt so many times, he can absolutly ignored another hurt in his life. Well, that’s me. I thought I can ignore the hurt. But unfortunately, I can’t. Along those years, yes, years! I was able to settle down my heart. I am not hoping for him to carry me away and marry him. NO. I just wanted to be happy. For once in my life. But who am I kidding? I cried nights just imagining him with his wife, while I am sleeping alone in the darkness of my room. What have I done to deserve this? All I wanted just to be happy... to feel love when I need it. To feel how it’s like to be loved and needed at the same time. Even when I don’t feel the love I should have feel.

It was in the first month of this year, when I realise that I can not do this anymore. All those painful life should dissapear. I have to be stronger, for my own sake. And I did. I tried to hate him, tried to find some mistakes on him that would help me to forget him. You see, it was 2 whole years after I met him and this feeling to own him was getting stronger. Not love. Just wanting how its like to be owned and own what should be mine. I have realised that I couldn’t own him. No matter what I tried, no matter what I do. But I know deep down inside, that he was NOT the man I wanted to fill my whole life.

Oh, I tried for months. And still, I couldn’t forget him. He was still there, no matter how I tried. Then a friend told me it’s easier when I found someone else. For once, I listened to my friend. And perhaps, She was right. Perhaps it is easier. But how can I found someone else, when I know that I couldn’t feel love anymore?

Then one day, a guy sprung out of no where. He was a descent man. He has also been hurt in his life. We shared thoughts. We shared conversation. I tried to ignore him, because I couldn’t definitly used him to forget my last partner, right? And I did ignored him.

Luckily, a guy friend asked me to have a vacation with him. I barely knew him. But we have known each other for years, only by conversation and met two or three times. He was mature. And he didn’t want another relationship in his life. So there I was, spending ten whole days with him and his friend. Had a great time. Then my married partner thought I had sex with this mature guy. It was very annoying. There was it. I found something to hate him at last. The accusing, the disturbing words which came from his mouth, came through my heart. For once, I knew how to get rid of him. I got hurt by his words. Finally, I am through him. AT LAST.

Ah, the man I ignored? :) Well, he is still being nice to me. How can I ignore a nice guy? Would you? The longer I knew him, the more I couldn’t resist him. A man, once again, turn my world up side down. I don’t know when or how, or even when this will last. I am just a girl, who needed love and affection, and he was the man who can give me those. Even we once told eachother that we don’t want another love, we grew to like eachother. We still shared conversation that makes us doesn’t want to be far from each other. Then we knew, that this is love. Yep, after a while. I, once again, knew what love is. It took me ages to define love. But at least, this feeling was true. We started a commitment. We didn’t want to get hurt again. Not by the word L.O.V.E. So, we just agreed to take this feeling one step at the time, and enjoy it while we can. Oh, I know it’s just for weeks, but hey, perhaps I can hope again.

And you know what? I owe this to a friend of mine. A dear friend of mine, who never got tired of me. A girl who also been trying to find her own love. A girl who has so much similar life with me. Because she was right. It is easier to forget someone who hurts you by finding someone else. For once, I knew I was doing the right thing. Listening. Perhaps you should do the same.

Some people might say, I am a trouble maker, well, perhaps I am. Some people might say, I am a looser, well, perhaps I am. But I am lucky to have a friend like her. I am lucky to have friends to support me when I needed them to. You can not trade a friend for anything in the world. Not even gold or money, or even the planet world itself. I owe her that much.

As I was saying, I am blessed. Even how hard the life could be, even how you feel like you wanted to get out of this life, friends are all you have, eventually. Its hard to find a friend. That we know. Perhaps we have so many friends.. oh, perhaps your friends are a lot better than mine. But will they listen to you, or would you listen to them? Would they stick by your side when you needed a hand? My friends do. Thats why I am lucky. That’s why I grew stronger. People say you should choose your friends. No, they chose you to be their friends. That’s nature. I have only few friends in this world that I can call them “Friends”. Real friends. And I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. Even if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself.

My friends kept me strong, they make me feel needed. And of course loved. Aren’t I lucky? :) And all I did was to listen. That isn’t hard to do, right? Perhaps you should try my advice. Listen harder to your friends. Then you could be their friends and have a wonderful life. Like mine. It will only take several minutes to listen. You don’t have to open your wallet to do it. As simple as that.

For my friends that has been there beside me, for all those years, Yes, YEARS, Thank you. You have brought sunshine to my world. And I love you for it.

SebuaH HarapaN

Aku telah lelah berjalan,
Mencari sesuatu yang indah,
Dan engkau begitu jauh,
Terpahat dalam imaginer,

Dan kini kau hadir,
Menjilat seluruh beranda hati,
Enyahkan sepi,
Hangatkan sanubari,
Tak tahu sampai kapan kunikmati ini
Berjalan melangkah bersamamu,
Tapaki jejak baru,

Aku ingin resapi ini,
Dengan sejuta rasa gelora
Tak ingin biarkan kau pergi,
Tergulung oleh ombak nan sejati...

Kapan kita tau rasa itu akan hadir? Gak akan, kan? Tiba-tiba aja, semua tentang dia begitu indah. Begitu semerbak *cieh*. Ini yang gue rasain sekarang. Gue puitis? Mungkin, tapi gak banyak yang tau yah? Terserah. Yang jelas, gue cuma pengen ini gak berakhir, gak tau sampe kapan. Semoga sih, selama mungkin. Semoga.

My Journey II

..... sorry, sempet terputus ceritanya..

Anyway, Esok harinya, kita jalan jalan ... Ke Kuta (lagi), Ke Kintamani ... I remember this place, although so long time ago.. Dan ternyata sepi... Tidak seramai dulu ... Bali tidak seramai dulu, walaupun masih seindah dulu..

setelah 3 hari muter muter... ternyata gue harus pulang.. back to the real world :) Sebelum pulang, kita nyempetin nongkrong di Kuta Beach, liat sunset.. dan gue iseng bikin body painting.. or.. well, temporary tatto.. Kupu-kupu.. Tadinya temen temen encourage me buat bikin yang permanen.. Oh please.. gue takut sama jarum.. mending ini aja lah.. :) sayangnya, terlalu "vulgar" untuk dipublish di sini.. bisa diprotes sama someone nanti :)

Uhm...

pendek ya ini blog? well.. sorry.. lagi gak mood lagi buat nulis.. hehehe.. :)

happy reading you guys..

HasiL foto foto :) with little details... hehahaha

Ini Pintu Gerbang Homestay... Bali banget... :) ehehe.. emang di Bali sih .. :)

Jelas banget kan, kenapa gue bilang perjalanannya worth to wait... tempatnya bagus banget...

sayangnya.. gue gak ada camera sendiri.. ini hasil jepretan teman gue yang dari Jepang itu ...










Yang ini, foto gue, di Pantai Kuta.. ergh, kalo di Bali, gue cuek pake baju kaya gini.. di Jakarta? Gak janjeeee.. :)





















<------- Yang ini adalah temen gue dari Jepang... :) Yuki namanya... di Pantai kuta..








Kolam renang Homestay Ubud..














Mirip !!!! :)

Sunset Kuta :)

My Journey.... 1

Rasanya udah lama banget gak pernah posting jalan-jalan.. Kali ini, setelah sekian lama gak jalan-jalan, seorang teman lama dari jauh, mengundang gue buat ke Jogja. Jogjakarta yang punya tempat tersendiri di hati gue.. Tempat yang punya banyak kenangan indah.. Tempat gue banyak teman ...

Setelah hampir 9 jam duduk manis di kereta api Taksaka yang ternyata tidak terlalu penuh, akhirnya gue menginjakkan kaki gue lagi di Stasiun Tugu Jogjakarta...
Teman gue yang sangat baik ini menjemput setelah gue minta waktu buat ngopi to refresh my brain...

Dari stasiun Tugu, kita headed ke kota kecil sebelah Timur Jogja tempat dia tinggal (sorry, gak bisa disebut kotanya, karena dia memang gak mau diketahui). Begitu gue nyampe sana.. waaahh.. :) rasanya seger banget.. banyak pohon dimana-mana... masih ada burung yang berkeciap ciap gitu.. dan satu lagi.. ada parit yang mengelilingi rumah dia yang di isi dengan ikan lele, nila, dan mbuh gak tau lagi apa... Tapi yang jelas, suasana "pedesaaan" itu ada..

Gue yang udah kelamaan gak pergi pergi ke daerah pedesaan, langsung norak.. Duduk di tepian jendela, menghirup teh dan mengisap rokok.. (sebetulnya sayang yah, suasana kaya gitu dicemari rokok, tapi ya sudah lah.. gak usah dibahas kebiasaan jelek gue ini) ...

Gue masih bisa liat kupu-kupu. OI sodara-sodara!!! Kupu-kupu!!! Dulu waktu gue masih kecil, di tempat tinggal gue Bintaro, kadang masih kelihatan ada kupu-kupu yang terbang-terbang gitu di lapangan bola seberang rumah gue.. Sekarang, lapangan kosong itu udah jadi bengkel ban yang gede... paling cuma bisa liat capung.. apa bagusnya capung? HuH.

Anyway, kupu-kupu itu masuk ke dalam rumah! duh, senangnya....

"Rumah ini abis kena gempa, jadi sorry kalau berantakan banget..."
Ah ya, masih inget kan, gempa yang menimpa Jogjakarta dan sekitarnya waktu bulan Mei 2006 yang lalu? Ya, walaupun rumah ini jauh banget dari Jogja, ternyata ya masih kena... gue jadi penasaran liat liat belakang rumah ini yang amit-amit gede banget... Kalo gue gak punya memori tajem, ni rumah bisa bikin gue tersesat...

Well, setelah 5 hari di Jogja dan di rumah itu, dia ngajak gue ke BALI. Bali sodara-sodara!!! Wah.. gue udah berapa lamaaaaaaaa gitu gak ke Bali.. Ya tentu aja gue gegap gempita dong...

Setelah penerbangan yang agak "kasar" dengan Wings Air, akhirnya kita nyampe di Denpasar... Wah, begitu nyampe di Denpasar, gue jadi lebih norak.. Ngeliat bule-bule yang bawa surfboard (cakep cakep, toloongggg) tapi kata temen gue ini, Bali jadi lebih sepi setelah adanya Bom di Jimbaran itu (rese emang tu para teroris edun) gara gara bom itu, pusat wisata and pusat bisnis jadi lebih sepi dari biasanya.

Walaupun gue ke Bali buat nemenin temen gue ini berbisnis, dia janji mau ngajak gue jalan-jalan. Kebetulan temen dia dari Jepang juga akan datang ke Bali besok harinya. Karena gue nyampe di Bali agak malam, eh, bukan agak, tapi emang malem. Jam 23.00 waktu setempat kayanya, jadi kita langsung ke penginapan.. erghh.. guys, gue pikir gue akan nginep di hotel berbintang.. (tempat yang biasa gue inepin kalo gue jalan-jalan pas lagi ada duit :D ) Tapi ternyata, temen gue ini maniak dengan pedesaan. Jadilah kita menginap di Ubud. Jauh dari Denpasar... Jujur aja, gue pikir kita akan nginep di daerah pantai.. Kuta atau Sanur.. Agak kecewa juga gue.. mana lama banget lagi, perjalanan.

Tapi begitu nyampe pagar homestay di Ubud.. Habis sudah rasa kecewa gue!! eh, tepatnya, Hilang!! Rasa penat yang selama perjalanan tadi itu, HIlang!!! Tempatnya bagus.. gak seperti hotel yang "dingin" dan penuh dengan formalitas, tempat ini "hangat dan kekeluargaan". Wah, gue langsung menyesal udah menduga yang enggak-enggak sama temen gue ini... :)

Gue masih bisa liat bintang.. dan kebetulan pas bulan purnama.... Oiiiii hare geneeee.. di Jakarta, liat bintang 5 biji aja dah seneng banget.. (tuh, kan norak...) Jadi, yang tadi gue capeknya minta ampun, begitu liat homestay ini .. ilang semua capeknya..

Setelah mandi sebentar, gue ke luar kamar... dan oh, kamarnya juga gede bener... Ada TV, AC kamar mandi dalem, ada dapur kecil... Tapi gue males lah nonton TV.. gue mending ke luar, liat bintang and bulan.. Suasananya jadi romantis banget.. gue jadi bayangin, seandainya ada seseorang yang nemenin gue... seseorang yang ... eh, jadi ngelantur..

Besoknya, matahari bersinar cerah.. *deuh* setelah nganter dia ke pengrajin2, kita ke Kuta... wah.. terus kita makan di "Warung Made" ... Ergh.. dicekokin makan Pork Satay.. and believe me.. enak banget.. tapi bagi yang emang sama sekali gak makan pork, lebih baik jangan makan di Warung Made, soalnya kan kita gak tau, apakah halal atau tidak.. :)

Terus, jalan jalan lagi... liat monumen Bom yang pertama... dan ternyata gak ada nama Orang Indonesianya... padahal, pasti ada beberapa yang meninggal di situ kena bom...

Uhm, malemnya, kita jemput temen dia dari Jepang.. Namanya Yuki.. jangan diplesetin, namanya beneran Yuki...

Besok harinya kita ke.... (to be continued...... )

Kan,
Kupahat senyummu di relung jurang dan gunung
di dermaga samudra : kekecewaan dan keangkuhan
pertarungan hidupku

Sebab segalanya sudah hanyut
di sungai-sungai nadiku
yang senantiasa berdenyut
atas napsu-napsuku : kita pernah berikrar!
dan kita punya prasasti kekal
terpahat,
di nisan
kuburan padang nurani : cinta!

Ah!

Gue seneng banget!! Ternyata Blog gue gak ilang.. :) gara gara lupa password, ada yang protes karna gue dah lama gak nulis. :) Oh well, mulai sekarang, gue bisa nulis lagi di sini, walaupun blog di Friendster masih ada, tapi emang restricted to my friends only. I never knew ternyata ada yang menikmati coretan-coretan gue di blog.

Buat Nuy, moga gak bingung lagi, blog yang ini masih bisa di akses. :) Tapi berhubung sekarang dah ngantuk gitu.. I have to go .. :) Pasti gue akan nulis nulis lagi di sini.. yakin deh!

Oh well,

Ini postingan pertama yah setelah beberapa lama.. :

Cintaku adalah wangi bunga-bunga
adalah sejuk gerimis musim pertama
Cintaku adalah silir angin yang lembut
yang segar menggosoki seluruh isi beranda...

Yap, after a while, I finally found someone who loves me that much, sampe gue harus duduk tenang untuk menikmati rasa ini.. Doain aja, semua berjalan lancar.. :)

2x24 hours

When they told me that I should letting you go,
I know it's not the end of the world,
But letting you go is:
Not being able to call you "darling" anymore,
Not being able to kiss you goodnight, to keep me safe from nightmares,
Not being able to howl at you when you make mistakes,
Not being able to look at your eyes when I say "I love you"
Not being able to snuggle my head to your neck,
Not being able to miss you every single breath I take,
But what hurts me more, letting you go is:
Not being able to have the same visions as we picture ourselves in the future;
When I should wore my wedding gown,
When we should at the hallway,
hand in hand,
mezmerizing to eachother eyes,
and we would call ourselves : darling and sweetheart for the rest of our lives...

I know we never vowed to be together forever,
I know we never vowed to share our lives together,
But we did vowed to love eachother for the rest of our lives,
And that vow, my love... is the best vow I've ever had to keep...
Loving you, is the best thing that ever happenned to me..
The way you kept your love for all these years, makes me realize,
That there is True Love...
I am lucky to have met you again, after all those years...
Thank you for coming again to my life and make my life even brighter than before.

(I still love you, no matter what)

HaRi SaBtu!!!! *terus kenapa?*

Ok, Hari Jumat kemarin mungkin hari yang menyebalkan seantero sel-sel otak gue. Tapi gue mau bilang apa? Mungkin ini yang terbaik, kan? Toh, kalau gue protes, gue malah akan dibilang dendam karena gak terima keputusan management.

Anyway, ada yang nelpon gue beberapa kali di hp kemarin.. Dan gue menyesal gak ada disamping hp gue saat itu.. *hiks* Dearest, kamu telpon yah? Banyak yang mau gue sampaikan sebetulnya di blog ini.. Tapi ... uhm... mungkin lain kali.. dari tadi gue udah ngetik soalnya.. cuape bow... heuheiha... :))

ciao ah...

Just another Ordinary Day...

"Dan aku akan merasa terdampar,

menelungkup dalam sunyi,

tergetar,

denyutku semua menggelenyar,

perih akan hadirmu,

mengharap semua ada dan
tiada"

Today should be no different compares to everyday's life. But today, I don't know what went wrong. I felt so empty.

It doesn't help by smoking around at my room this morning, ended up late in my office. I should have known something is going on with this heart. Probably it's him.

Talked to him last nite, out of the blue. He told me stories about the past that I never knew again. He again reminds me of how he felt back then and grew stronger when ever he meet me.

I got shocked for a while when I asked him, who am I to you? He just answered by his hands. Put his finger from his hair and put in half, and go down to bottom. I am his halfside.

I wish I can say the same to him.

Few days ago, talked to someone I just knew for 4 hours. We talked until we really got dropped. I barely knew him. But his strength to go on is so strong. I ended up envying him. Giving him my best gratitude for letting me hearing his stories.

"When we decided to walk away behind our own backs, did you realize that perhaps we left foot prints behind?

Or did you not even realize that when you walk through my foot prints, I smiled and wanted to rush back to you?

I never wanted to walk away, but if I do,

I want to make foot prints for you to remember that I was there

embracing your face and your lips

Walk away now,

but sometimes, please do to turn your head and see your foot
prints,

cos when you see them,

you will realize that my foot prints are always

on the same way as yours... "

(never wanted to be away from you)

On The Other side of My Mind....

It's been like, what? .. several months now, since I logged on in this site. My English got a lil bit rusty, akibat gak pernah begaul lagi sama bos bos bule yang geblek geblek gitu.
Gue dah pindah kerja LAGI - tolong dicatet yah.. :) emang ternyata panggilan 'kutu loncat' pas banget... sekarang gue kerja di salah satu perusahaan MLM. Di Jakarta.
Jangan tanya apaan, MLM di Indonesia sekarang lagi ngetrend, ada amway (yang hehe.. sampe sekarang tu ada yang ngajakin gue mulu, padahal gue gak pernah demen yang ginian!), ada Tianshe, ada CNI, ada Sophie Martin, ada IFA... Nah, gue di ATM. Tadinya gue pikir disuruh cari "downline" gitu, ternyata enggak. Fun kok. Rekan-rekan kerja gue asli cuek banget... Gag ada yang sikut sana sikut sini. Tapi tetep ye.. ada beberapa temen-temen deket gue yang bilang, "paling 2 bulan dah keluar" heheeh.. :) gak tau ya..

Kerja, buat gue itu bukan cuma sekedar cari uang. Cari uang sih bisa ngapa ngapain aja selain kerja lah. Ngamen, jadi pengemis, juga dpt duit. Ya gag? Tapi masalahnya, buat gue, kerja itu... merupakan suatu proses. Proses mendewasakan diri. Percaya gak?

Contoh nih, pada saat loe dimarahin sama boss... loe gak cuma bisa maki maki di dalam hati, tapi juga mencerna, kenapa lo dimarahin... (eh, gue jadi inget.. ada yang ngomong ini di telpon waktu malem malem itu... semoga dia baca.. you inspired me, Dear!) Dalam masa itu, lo akan berpikir dewasa... Pas gajian.. *ini pasti ditunggu lah* loe akan belajar manage duit elu, loe akan belajar buat menerima kenyataan, " gila, ternyata susah cari duit! Susah ngatur duit! belum buat bayar ini, belum buat bayar itu" minimal, loe akan belajar untuk bertanggung jawab terhadap diri loe sendiri.

Buat gue, proses menjadi dewasa itu makan waktu lama... Culture keluarga gue beda banget sama kebanyakan culture keluarga orang lain. Karna gue anak terakhir dari 4 bersodara... Dan karna jadi anak paling kecil, tanggung jawab yang gue terima dari dulu juga kecil. Sekarang... setelah gue agak tua... (bukan.. sumpah bukan dewasa!) gue shock melihat berbagai karakter orang yang harus disesuaikan. Dulu gue beranggapan : ngapain gue temenan sama tu orang, kayanya gue gag cocok! Sekarang gue jadi lebih berfikir, " tu orang kok gitu ye? gimana ya caranya ngertiin tu orang, biar gue yang nyambung?"

Jadi, predikat "kutu loncat" itu gak sepenuhnya salah lho... Jangan salahkan gue kalau gue agak agak Bloon soal kerja... :) pun agak agak bloon kalo cari perusahaan... hehehe... Tapi makin kesini, gue makin ngerti apa yang gue mau... Someday, gue akan cerita...

===========================================================================

Nah, sekarang nih, mari cerita yang lain... Beberapa waktu lalu, gue iseng join ke salah satu situs kontak jodoh. Tadinya buat iseng, buat cari temen lain setelah gue putus sama.. ergh... you know who lah.. kalo gak tau ya... coba liat liat di blog gue yang lama.. :)

Setelah beberapa bulan join, asli banyak banget yang ngirim message, Entah cuma ngajak kenalan, belum apa apa udah ngasih no hp minta ditelpon, ada juga yang bilang, kita ketemu dan kamu abang lamar ya... *doh,.. abang??? dengernya aja dah mules gue* Yah, namanya juga internet.. apa lagi situs gituan... jelas pasti, banyak yang ngajak sex. *lu kata gue gila?*

Anyway, sekarang ini... gue lagi terharu biru dengan seseorang... anak situs itu juga... gue pikir, wah, another lame guy... tapi setelah beberapa kali sms-an ada yang "clique" dikit.
His face reminds me of someone.. Kita sekarang jadi deket... gak tau sedeket apa.. kita blum pernah ketemu... tapi ... ya.. i think it's enough to say that we are good friends now.
Gue sekarang ini gag yakin dengan apa yang gue rasakan.

Beberapa waktu lalu, gue ngobrol sama temen lama gue di YM!, dia cerita soal temen kita juga yang sekarang "error". Tiba-tiba baik banget, tiba-tiba judes gak jelas gitu.
Gue jadi inget, ada artikel di Cosmopolitan, ada penyakit seperti itu. BIPOLAR kalo gag salah. Tapi ya gak tau juga.. apa dia bisa dikategorikan berpenyakit mental seperti itu.

Temen gue ini cantiknya amit amit. Gak salah kalau dia jalan, banyak orang yang nyangka dia bule. Tapi .. galak dan jahanam gitu deh. :) hehehe... One way or another, gue envy sama dia. Cantik, pinter, banyak yang doyan sama dia. hehehe.. Tapi sekarang ini, ntah kenapa... she is strange. Mendadak sakit jiwa, gitu kata temen gue.

Tadinya dia gak doyan minum alkohol, sekarang jadi tiap weekend minum, padahal, kalau udah minum, jackpot gag karuan gitu. ABG telat, kata temen gue. Gue sendiri gak gitu deket ama ni anak, yah.. cuma kenal kenal gitu aja. Pernah sih, hang out bareng gitu...
I don't know what's wrong with you friend, but if you read this and you know I was writing about you, please, let me help you... or at least, please tell me what's in your heart...

Proses menjadi dewasa itu lambat, menyiksa dan ... nyakitin kadang. I know, cos I have been there, and still in those area. Pada saat kita menerima tanggung jawab lebih, kita akan merasa sebagai beban... Padahal, you will never know.. itulah proses pendewasaan kita...

uH, perasaan ni blog jadi makin gak karuan.. dah ah....

-- the heart never let you down, what you feel, what you taste, what you say...its all begins and ends with the word "LoVe"...---

A PoInT of ViEw

Last Sunday, my best friend sms'ed me.

She was being paranoid. Her husband wos working out of town for 2 days, and his cellphone went dead. Tried to reach him several times, but didn't work out.

So, when he got home, she threw those - you know - words that you couldn't have imagine to say to your love ones. He, as I expected, was furious and didn't even bother to say anything to my broken hearted friend.

The next day, I told her to knock it off. I told her to talk to her husband. Try to figure out what went wrong with his cellphone. She did took my opinion, and she asked him. Beyond my expectations, he told her that he went off dinner with his boss, and didn't bother to bring the cellphone, either to tell my friend where he is, or what is he doing.

Today, the first thing in the morning, she sms me again. This time, she told me that someone misscalled her cellphone. By curiousity, she asked her husband which came home late that night. Her husband just snapped at her and played Play Station. When she tried to see his cellphone, he snatch it back from her. My best friend cried. And went off to bed. In the morning, she found out that she had her period. After 5 years marriage, she hasn't been pregnant, although she wants it so much. Her husband didn't even bother to check his health to a doctor. My best friend did all she can to make him happy.

"All I want is for him to change. He doesn't have to be romantic, but am I wrong for asking just a little tenderness and caring? It has been years since we dated again. When I got the period today, I just want to die. I hate all this. I hate this marriage...."

I told her, don't ever change anyone you love... Love doesn't have to change anything. If your partner wants to change, then it is because your partner wants to change. Not by the name of love.

"Sometimes I just want him to touch my hair when we watch tv together, or just holding hands when we were at the mall... Am I wrong?"

I told her that it is not wrong. It has never been wrong to expect love and caring and tenderness. But if your partner has never been like that before, why are you expecting him to be like that now? She has known him for years, she ought to know him by now, that he will never be that "Sir Gallahad" she ever wanted him to be.

Then she told me that she got paranoid, afraid that his husband is having a taboo love. Well, I couldn't say anything... Just stood there, reading her sms... and smiles.

Typical women. Always wants to try to change her partners. That is always been the difference, right? Women changes her self to have something in return, while men... Well.. I dunno, do they change themselves to be someone better to impress a girl, or perhaps.. they change themselves because something called love...?

Mencintai Dengan Tabu...

Akan kuberitahu sebuah rahasia.
Sesuatu yang tabu, namun bermakna.
Suatu rasa yang menyiksa, suatu asa namun dengan batasan angkasa.
Rasa ini membuatku sakit tiada terperi, walau selalu ingin aku nikmati.
Dia bagai candu, namun tak pernah habis.
Dia angkasaku, tak kan pernah kugapai.
Kala kita bercumbu, aku dengar tangisan wanita dan bayi.
Demi semua!
Aku coba enyakan suara, tapi tak bisa..
Suatu saat ketika detik berhenti, aku akan terpuruk,
Karna mencinta dengan tabu.
Mengharap angkasa, enyahkan tangisan.
Aku terpuruk, berlumur dosa,
.................karena bercumbu dengan tabu...............
Maka dia dan aku akan abaikan sementara,
Apabila esok kiamat, kami akan abaikan semua....
Dan kami bercinta, di atas bunga dan kerikil...
Manis dan perih bersamaan....

(8 Jan 06)

"Hari ini gag jelas..."

Nah Lho!!
Asli hari ini gag jelas sama sekali! Gue ngerasa gag ada yang salah dalam kerjaan gue, tapi akhirnya jadi salah gara-gara yang ngajarinnya sok ta..u!!!
Dan gue gondok banget, soalnya akhirnya gue yang kena marah sama orang-orang sini..
Herannya... Orang bulenya gag marah sama gue! Emang kalo nanya nama orang lain berarti dia gak puas sama kerjaan gue??? HuH!!! Kalo emang gak bisa bahasa Inggris, ngapain juga harus komunikasi pake bahasa Inggris sih??? huH!!!

Untung besok libur.. untung ntar gue bisa ketemuan ama Cimed.. paling enggak, dia bisa merhatiin gue.. Ihik ihik.. :)

HuH, don't mind this blog deh.. gue asli lagi Bad MOOOOODDD!!!!

"masih" di Pulau Umang

Nah, ini dia Cottage yang kemarin gue bilang itu .. keren kan? :) Jadi begitu keluar cottage, yang keliatan cuma laut dan laut.. eh.. ada juga sih, saung di depan cottage, bagus banget! Pas buat nongkrong kalo malem... sambil dengerin ombak.. atau dengerin pasangan merayu.. :) heuehie... *ngayal boleh dong.. *

Foto yang sebelah kanan, itu adalah inner cottagenya. Ya gitu deh, tampak dalam nya.. asik kann.... :) bisa muat ber sepuluh orang lhooo.. :) enaknya lagi, sofa itu bisa di'gelar' jadi bisa kaya tempat tidur! Lazyboy gitu deh... kayanya enak banget buat kabur dari hirukpikuk Kota Jakarta nan berpolusi.. Ngumpul bareng keluarga... :)

  Ini saung depan cottage. :) langsung berpasir !! Gak rugi deh kalau ke sini... *kalau ada karyawan Pulau Umang Resort & Spa di blogger, gue mau dibayar berapa yaaaa.. * :)

Yang dibawah, foto gue waktu malam gulita di saung. Kebayang kan kalau saungnya enak dan nyaman gitu? kita mau pacaran asik ajah deh.. terus, bisa barbeque di situ juga.. disediain lho, arang dan tempatnya :) Kapan nih, bisa ke sana lagi, kali ini rame rame ... It's not a waste of time deh pokoknya! Dan kalaupun dibilang Wasting time.. I don't mind wasting my time here deh :) kayanya kalau cuma satu malem... kurang deh, liat panorama gitu.. :) Emang sih, sayangnya makanannya cuma ada di Hotel.. oh, dan satu lagi, karna listrik di Resor ini masih pake Genset, jadi.. kadang kalau siang suka mati mati gitu. Tapi gak lama, paling lama sekitar 10 menit.Tapi kalau siang siang gitu, ngapain juga di dalam cottage?  Dan di resor ini, tidak bisa pake credit card lho.. :) dan GsM cuma Satelindo yang bisa diakses (Mentari, Matrix dan IM-3) juga kalau CDMA yang bisa diakses cuma Fren ..

 

Nah, kalau siang siang kadang bisa lampu mati di cottage? kenapa juga gak ngisi kegiatan ?? Snorkling misalnya...

Atau sekedar jalan jalan keliling Pulau Umang dengan Motor roda 4 kaya gini.. :)

 hhehehehe..  asik kaan...

Nah, Kapan kapan kalau gue jalan-jalan lagi deh.. gue bikin foto foto yang asik.. dan tentu.. stelah blogger gue templatenya diganti dan gue bisa masang masang foto foto yang bagus dengan layout yang menarik...

Kalau kebetulan main di blogspot ini.. kasih komentar dong... kira kira... menarik gag nih Pulau Umang? :)

I hope You can join me sometime in my next journey... :)

 

Jalan Jalan di Pulau Umang

Beberapa waktu lalu, kita sekeluarga jalan jalan ke Pulau Umang, salah satu Pulau Resor di Jawa Barat. Letaknya kira kira sekitar 6 jam-an dari Jakarta, ke arah Pandeglang.

Satu Pulau itu isinya cottage semua, enak banget buat para honeymooners atau gathering. Satu cottage bisa di isi hingga 8 orang, emang sih, cuma ada satu kamar yang bisa dibilang bukan kamar, karna terbuka dan letaknya di atas. (cottagenya tingkat dengan model voip). Di lantai bawah, ada TV, Kulkas, Kamar mandi *yang asli bikin betah, dengan model alami banget*, dan berderet sofa lazyboy. Jadi kalau mau tidur rame rame di bawah, gak jadi masalah..

Foto di atas adalah "gateway" atau jembatan utama dari pulau Jawa ke pulau Umang. Dari pulau Jawa ke pulau Umang kita harus naik boat yang unik banget, dan memakan waktu 5 menit. Nah, foto di atas adalah gue dan Tante Sri, my step mom...

Dari Pulau Jawa ke Pulau Umang yang jaraknya paling cuma 2 km itu ditempuh dalam jangka waktu 5 menit seperti yang gue bilang di atas. Selama kita di atas boat, kita bisa liat hamparan laut, yang lumayan resik dan bening. Bahkan, dari atas boat, kadang kita bisa liat ikan-ikan di bawah saking beningnya!!

Pokoknya, it is the best way to waste your time here.... :)

Posting selanjutnya bakalan gue kasih liat foto foto yang asik banget deh.. You should go there, I recommend !

Kamu masih Mengharapkan dia kan?

Gak tau udah berapa kali dia nanya itu. Dan gak tau juga dah berapa kali gue jawab dengan hal yang sama, sampe akhir-akhir ini gue gak yakin lagi.
Gak yakin gimana? Uhm, gue gak yakin apa gue masih bisa jawab hal yang sama.
Soalnya 'dia' dateng lagi.
Membangun kembali serpih serpih yang tadinya udah berantakan.
Dan gue cuma bisa bengong, ngeliat kalau rasa itu tumbuh lagi. (eh, emang rasa bisa diliat?)
Tapi ya gitu deh, gue gak ngerti, bisa-bisanya gue sayang lagi. Bisa-bisanya kalo gue lagi ketimpa sesuatu, gue pengennya cerita ama dia.

"Kamu masih mengharapkan dia kan?"
Nah, gue sekarang blum bisa jawab "tidak" lagi sperti dulu..
Mungkin gue sekarang cuma bisa bilang : "sekarang tidak... " (dengan crossed finger; mungkin besok...)

Ugh!

OK !! (10 Agustus 2005)

NaH!!
OK!!
Baik!!
Tapi tak pernah OK
Tapi tak pernah Baik
hanya .. NaH!

BaiK aku sayang kamu!
Ok aku juga sayang kamu!
Nah Tapi.. mau kah kau berubah?
Nah Tapi.. ada yang tak kusuka darimu

Lalu OK nya kapan?
Lalu Baiknya kapan?

OK! Semua bisa kuterima!
Baik, kalau begitu!
Nah, jika saja engkau mau begini..
Nah, walaupun demikian...

Semua OK kan? Semua Baik kan?
Nah, tapi ada satu masalah...

waH... wah... Lalu kapan OK-nya..

(aku sayang kamu, walaupun tanpa "nah")

Kalau SaJa...

Kalau Saja,
semua terdiam
tak bergerak
hampa
kosong
Kalau Saja,
kamu di sini
aku di sini
berdua saja
Kalau Saja,
kata yang tak terucap
dan hampir tak sekejap
kami saling mengerjap
Kalau Saja,
Andai Saja,
Jika Saja,
...bahwa waktu yang demikian lambat...
bahwa simponi angin bernyanyi
akan semakin lambat..
karna maknamu hadir di sini..
seperti nafas untukku
maka kalau kamu tak ada..
aku mati terhempas..

(for someone that I "STILL" love)

*sigh*

Wednesday, August 10 2005

*phew* Here I go again, not a work to do. Everyone here is busy with their computer, don't have the slightest idea what they are on to.
And me? Blog!
Today, my boss asked my url of this blog. Am I THAT INSANE to give him my url? I don't think so.. So I ended up to write ANOTHER blog in Friendster.blog!!! :D

Well, cimed is going to Kalimalang, I don't know whether he will pick me up in my office or not. But then again, I really don't mind. I just want a friend to talk to.

I am sick - AGAIN - (coughing and all) but I think it's getting better than yesterday.

Last Monday, I went to a place with my ex. It is so funny how we ended up together like this. I mean.. If we don't have any feelings to each other anymore, how come we always ended up in looking at each other eyes, and kissed? *sigh* Is this just a fling?

*gosh*

I really want to upload my pic!!! How can I do it in this blog??!!! *grrrr*